I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
