FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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