We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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