She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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