walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
