This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
