I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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