Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
