It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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