Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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