We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
