He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
