dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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