See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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