90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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