Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
