That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
