yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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