i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
