No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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