i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
