i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So. Much. Porn.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
