wrigley field is MILF paradise
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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