So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
