Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
