So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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