Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You're like the curious george of whores
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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