Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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