I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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