that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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