So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
