My hand turned me down
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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