Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
