no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
