what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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