I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
