if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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