Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
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Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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