I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
