my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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