I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
