why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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