The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
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I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon