I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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