"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
