Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker