Someone shit on the floor
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?