I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
