I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Less talking, more tequila
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
