He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
