I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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