You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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