A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This baby is an asshole
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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