Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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