I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
