I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
