between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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