gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
