I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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