I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
