we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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