I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The beer is more important than you right now.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
