i just had sex bonerless
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
