I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
