Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she looked like the before picture.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
