Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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