I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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