Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
