I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
