I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
