Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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