I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i now understand why vodka
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
