so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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