Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
