the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
